There are only 4 requirements left for the rest of the semester: a paper, two exams and a business plan presentation.
(However, counting the non-academic things I have going on.. *loses count*)
I can’t believe the semester is almost over. Still, some things don’t change. I’m still awake at 2 in the morning, watching an episode of Fringe Season 2 and writing this blog post, instead of getting some much needed sleep that I haven’t been able to indulge in since forever. I don’t have class tomorrow, but I go to school to hang out and study with my guy, going to organization events later in the afternoon. My bags are messy, there’s a tab where Facebook is open, and I just killed an hour earlier tonight browsing Instagram.
Many things don’t change.
Yet I believe that this semester changed me in many ways I didn’t expect. I didn’t make as much progress on my thesis as I’d be comfortable with, yet I feel as tired as the rest of my block mates who got to present their preliminary results in local and internation conferences. I almost didn’t read a single fictional book for the entire semester, giving in just this week (and it’s the last week of regular classes). I actually read multiple textbooks on the same topics, never mind the repetitive principles. Surprisingly, I even got to score high enough as to be the top 8 scorer (we were only 30+ so it wasn’t that great of a feat) on an exam in a subject taught by our institute director . I didn’t know I was capable of these things: of discipline, or a more efficient strategy for time management, of actually excelling in my academics while trying to be more involved in my newest organization and also maintaining a relationship.
It wasn’t easy, but it seems that I pulled through.
And now, there’s almost only 6 months left before I have to face what’s out there.
When people say that being a student is the easiest thing to be throughout your whole life, career-wise that is, it’s because students’ lives are predictable to the point of being boring and cumbersome. They are provided sets of predetermined tests and lessons to plow through for a certain number of years, with the expectation of absorbing at least a certain amount. Never mind that they may end up an insurance agent even with a Math degree. I have never really believed in that–in fact, I believe that being a student was harder in that you had no choice but adhere to the path that the academe has laid out for you. There is little room for maneuvering, and those that don’t survive or choose to drop out statistically end up with menial jobs and a lack of opportunities. I viewed it as societal manipulation in the most clever way: targeting both fear of the inability to provide for oneself and the desire to live in comfort, even luxury.
But when I think now of what I plan to do after graduation (if, God willing, I graduate on time), I begin to realize that the saying is true. The ‘real world’ sounds scary because there are a lot of unpredicatabilities. I realize that, in 6 months’ time, I cannot simply just wake up in the morning and worry about what to wear, whether all my notebooks are in my bag, if I have my ID with me. I cannot plan if I’m going to be studying during the weekend for an exam in the next coming week. I would have to look at schools to apply, a visa to apply for, scholarships whose basic requirements I qualify for. I’d have to finally apply for a passport. Most importantly, I will be subjecting myself to the utmost unpredictability of getting accepted to both a (full) scholarship and a forensic school. I know that these, in my case, cannot be mutually exclusive.
The line I’d have to traverse seems fairly straight, but experience teaches us that it is rarely the case. I guess that’s why they had to differentiate distance from displacement. Yet this unpredictability is what most crave for: the ability to choose what they want to do and the freedom to follow through with it. For me, it seems almost like a challenge to my upbringing, if what I’ve garnered over the years is enough to earn my survival in the wild.
I feel excited but I don’t think I’m ready. Not yet.
I still have six months to procrastinate, as typical of most students.
But I do know..
I’m almost there.